Haterade

You know what? You guys all have a drinking problem. I can tell. And I know what you're drinking, too. It's haterade.

I've been noticing an increasing amount of hate amounting recently during team, and this is very unhealthy. You must embrace the chicken wing, not hate on it! I believe the chicken wing is the most helpful technique available to the intermediate climber. It builds sideways lock-off power and makes you look super cool. All the cool climbers are doing it. Who do you think you are, anyways, climbing with straight arms like some sort of scarecrow ape monster? If you knew what was good for you, you would stick those elbows out with pride! In fact, why don't you go buy the chicken wing elbow guard to appear even more legit among your fellow climbers. This will come in use when you develop the skills to use the elbow hook. This move is not only useful on almost every boulder problem or route, but also will impress your peers even more than the dreaded figure four!

And for another thing, dead hangs should not be done with straight arms at least one arm must be partially bent (bonus points for two). It makes you look sick hardcore and all the other gym rats will definitely be jealous. In fact, all exercises on the systems, campus board, and hangboard should never be done with arms straight. Using your skeletal system is a weakness! Rely instead on the beastly muscles that you will develop from constantly climbing with a chicken wing. In fact, let's face it: right now you're not a beast (comme moi), but by using my patented chicken wing climbing technique videos, you will be in a short matter of time. Other techniques cower in awe of the chicken wing! With my easy twelve step program (only $39.99!!!), you'll be on the way to chicken wing stardom in no time. Soon you will have the arms and shoulders of the hulk! Small holds become increasingly good as your elbows rise! Even Chris Sharma has endorsed this program,"Uhh...yeah. Sick." IS THAT NOT PROOF ENOUGH?! So, my dear friends, get off your asses and leave the comfort of climbing with your straight-armed, uptight friends. Come to the accepting and more hardcore camp of the chicken wing! Your success is waiting!

So, kids, remember not to hate on others...UNLESS THEY'RE WRONG! So let's all embrace the chicken wing and laugh at the fools who are ignorant of it.

Get Psyched

Captain Chicken Hawk (aka Henery Hawk)